No Matter What
by Unintended Harmony
Summary: I was raised to always deserve the best. Bridget is, by no means, the best… and I don’t even deserve her. My mission is worse than anything I’d imagined… but I should revel in it. Has the world gone mad?


**As probably expected, this is another preview for my coming Draco/OC story. Year Six, things become more intense as Draco grows up and Bridget doesn't. Please read and review. Constructive criticism is better than pancakes!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned any of this, would I really be writing fanfiction about it?**

**Note: Probably should have let you know in the last one-shot, **_**Pathetic**_**, Draco's nickname for Bridget, Gite, is pronounced GEET. Like feet, with a G. Just thought I should clear that up.**

I exhaled sharply as she finished. Breathing heavily for a few moments before pulling up my trousers and re-buckling my belt, I stared at the stone wall in front of me. I couldn't quite bring myself to look at her as she wiped the corner of her lip. She got up off of her knees and sat down beside me on the bed in the dormitory. I went slightly rigid at the sound of the portrait hole opening and the chatter of voices in the common room. From the sound of it, Pansy had returned from Transfiguration with Blaise. I could hear Bridget sigh next to me.

"You should probably go." I said flatly, still not looking at her. She turned to face me and I could practically feel her eyes rolling.

"You say that like you don't think she's cheating on you too." She said honestly. Yeah, it was pretty clear that Pansy and I had nothing in common besides being in the same house. I suppose she's rather attractive, but besides all the attention she gave me, there was really nothing much that I liked about the girl. We barely had any physical interaction but for a monotonous kiss here or there. It came as no surprise that she'd been shagging Blaise for the last few months.

"Yeah, I guess…" I trailed off. I still couldn't look at her. I bit my lip, contemplating for a moment. "Er, thanks by the way… I kind of needed that." I said. Relaxing as it was for the time being, I could already feel the icicles in my stomach returning to where they'd been all year. The muscles in my back slowly began to return to their tense state.

"Yeah, anytime." She said, almost sounding cheery. A silence fell over the nearly empty room. We hadn't shared this type of silence since our first time in fourth year. It was uncomfortable. "Draco?" her voice came. I used to revel in hearing her speak my name. Now it just rang like a church bell at a funeral, ominous and empty. I knew she hadn't meant it to sound that way, but from my standpoint, everything beautiful was wrong.

"Can you at least look at me?" she said quietly. I shut my eyes tight and probably looked as though in pain. I tried to breathe deeply and get a grip on this, but it felt like I was underwater. The air just wouldn't come.

"No." I whispered. It was all I could get out. I felt her warm hand on my cheek, gently turning my face toward hers. I couldn't bring my eyes to meet hers and tried to focus on her nose, her mouth… anything but the light brown judgment that I knew I would have to face eventually. After I ran out of things to half-heartedly focus on, my eyes fell upon hers.

The soft brown pools looking back at me did not hold the stinging disdain and disappointment I had expected. The hurt and confusion reflecting back at me was far worse. No tears welled behind her lashes. She knew better than to cry over me.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly. "I'm your friend, you can tell me." She whispered. My hand reached hers and pulled it away from my cheek. I held it close and kissed her knuckle, never wanting to lose the comfort it held.

"I wish I could." I said. "I wish I could tell you everything, but I can't." The words barely seemed real. I didn't want this moment to be happening. All I wanted was to wake up from the nightmare shit-storm that had become my life. I felt her squeeze my hand.

"Then tell me what you can." She said. I inhaled deeply, trying to will the words out of my stomach and into existence.

"What if you had to do something… something awful?" I started. I instantly knew that I would regret this. "And if you didn't, you'd die. Not just you, but your family. And you're supposed to be honored about doing it, you're supposed to be special." I tried. My eyes had rested upon our hands with our fingers laced loosely. I felt her other hand brush my cheek again and bring my face to hers. Our lips met gently, only for a moment. The usual passion and heat of her kiss was not lacking, only redistributed. Where there was once a playful nip or stroke of her tongue, there was now soft savoring in its stead. She lingered briefly before leaning her forehead against mine, breathing heavily. Her eyes opened slightly as she spoke.

"You are special." She whispered. The most unpleasant sensation raced through my veins. I had been feeling it throughout the year and as it intensified in that moment, I recognized it as guilt. I wished I had the emotional capacity to cry. I was hard-pressed to find a coherent thought and words just began coming out.

"Kill me… he'll… my mum and dad… I have to… You can't tell…" I rambled and trailed off as she pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't want to keep things from her. The guilt I should have felt was for needing her at all. I shouldn't have needed her to kiss me, let alone get fellatio for comfort. I shouldn't need anyone. I'm a Death Eater for Merlin's sake. All I should need is the Dark Lord. Yet in that moment, I needed so much more… but all I wanted was her. "I never wanted this." I said so quietly I didn't even think she had heard me. I could feel her take a shuddering breath and murmur something into my shoulder.

"I love you." She said quietly. The awful sensation doubled and exploded inside me into a rush of guilt, rage, and desperation coursing through my veins. I wrenched myself away from her and got up from the bed.

"You need to leave." I said angrily. Her eyes widened at the sudden outburst and she too stood up, the tension in the room bursting into flames.

"What is your problem?" she said scathingly. She had been angry at me before, but never like this.

"My problem?" I yelled. "My problem is so complicated that even if I could tell you, you wouldn't understand!" Her face screwed up with rage.

"I skip class with you–Snape's class no less–to try and help you relax! I go down on you and tell you I love… and you think your problem is too complex for me to comprehend?" she shouted back at me. I couldn't discern whether I was more livid or remorseful as I felt her fury pierce me.

"You either wouldn't believe me or–or you'd hate me." I said, my voice beginning to break. Fuck, she was going to see me cry. I gritted my teeth and bit back the hot tears I knew were waiting to humiliate me. After this she would never look at me again. She breathed heavily, catching her breath. She looked at me with further contempt.

"Who says I don't already?" she said barely above a stabbing whisper. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her until she screamed. I wanted to curse her, I wanted to beat her, I wanted to cry… I wanted to kiss her, make love to her, even just hold her… It's strange how once you know you can't do something, you just want to even more.

"I wish…" I said with a shudder. "I wish I could make you understand that I can't explain this to you without losing you." I said a bit more harshly than I intended. Words implying that I cared about her felt strange on my lips. I'd never said it out loud before. The hatred etched on her face melted away into an expression I'd never seen her wear before. Her mouth was set into a hard line and her eyes were clear, but not soft. The dam broke and tears slid down my face. I made no attempt to wipe them away… it didn't matter. We could have been standing there for an eternity or for ten seconds and not known the difference. Slowly, she opened her mouth to speak.

"You… risked being disowned last year so that you could be there for me, and I know how much your family means to you. I don't know what it is you have to do, and I… I don't have the right to. I get that you aren't really good with emotions and stuff like that, but that's just the way you are… and I'll be there for you, no matter how you are or what you are." She said delicately.

As she spoke, it was like being crushed by a great jagged rock. All the years I'd been at school–all the years I'd been alive, really–I've been entitled. Bridget said it herself; it's just the way I am. She's right, I am special. But not because I'm a nice person or an incredibly talented wizard; it's just the way I was raised. I was raised to always deserve the best. Bridget is, by no means, the best… and I don't even deserve her. My mission is worse than anything I'd imagined… but I should revel in it. Has the world gone mad?

She stepped toward me and took my hands in hers. She kissed me again softly on the corner of my mouth. Once again, I began to speak with the clear knowledge that I would regret my words.

"You too," I said somewhat quickly. Best mate or not, that was as much as she was going to get. She smiled up at me. As I looked down at her, I knew it was time to decide. "No matter what I am?" I asked quietly. She nodded. Quickly my hands flew to her face and I kissed her roughly. She responded, but it didn't feel the way it should have. There were a million things I tried to say as I held her face close to mine. I was afraid that she wouldn't quite catch all of them. Despite everything she had said I knew this would be a deal-breaker. As she began to curl her fingers in my hair, I knew this was it. This was a kiss goodbye… Fuck it.

My hands slid down to her waist and I lifted her off the ground and onto my bed. Blasted girl, she doesn't get it. I pressed my weight down on top of her, kissing her for all she was worth. It became stale, tainted as she kissed me back passionately. Why wasn't she getting what I needed her to know? I began to kiss down her jaw, her neck, and collar bone, growing rougher as I descended.

"Draco," she said with a whimper. I ignored her. She called my name again, but I realized it was not out of pleasure. "Malfoy, you're hurting me!" she cried, pushing me off of her. I looked down at her breathlessly. Her neck and collar bone were scattered with red bite-marks. She looked at me, clearly communicating, 'what the hell?'

"I–I don't know how to make you understand." I said helplessly.  
"Understand what?" she said, rubbing her collar bone gingerly.

"That I'm dangerous… That you shouldn't try to be with me. You sure as hell shouldn't love me." I said colourlessly. I'd exerted enough anger for one afternoon and couldn't spare much more. I had to save it. She stared at me with warmth back in her eyes. Not just warmth… but understanding.

"No matter what you are." She repeated softly, as though that would somehow make all this mess okay. It hadn't even been a good last kiss… She'd never really know.

I took one final deep breath. Goodbye, Gite…

Holding my breath, I reached for the left sleeve of my robes and pulled.


End file.
